Talk back to negative thoughts and challenge them. If your children don’t listen to you, you’ll have to come up with a new game plan – a different strategy rather than blaming yourself.
When you think with your feelings / emotions you are believing all the negative programming that’s been accumulating for years. Feelings sometimes lie to you, and they’re not always about the truth. As an example, regarding your spouse / partner or child, you might think to yourself, “I feel as if you don’t love me.” Or, “I feel like a failure.”
Start looking for the evidence behind the feeling and acknowledge whether your feelings are based on events from the past. Are your guilt feelings about not being a “good enough” parent causing you to do things you don’t want to do – like being too lax with your child who exhibits rude or oppositionally defiant behavior? Are you not setting boundaries, due to guilt because you’re not spending enough quality time with your child?
It’s much better to replace guilt with affirming statements such as, “I want to create peace in the house with my child. It’s in our best interest that I take control of the situation by creating rules which are fair, practical, and we all can live with.” And, then do it!
When your negative thoughts about any situation go unchallenged, your mind believes it and your body reacts to it. Are you feeling at your wits end and entirely exhausted? Are you losing sleep? If so, change the outcome! Take back control of your life, and understand these thoughts are programmed and can be changed. You must be conscious of your thoughts, and have an intelligent perspective on them. To find out what is really true, you must question the thought.
The degree to which you connect with your child from your heart is the most important determinant in whether your child will engage in risky behavior such as abuse or violence. In order to connect from your heart, you must work on your own issues and the truth behind your emotions.
Please comment if you would like more clarity on an issue, and I’ll endeavor to answer your questions.