Overcoming Resentments in Four Impacting Steps

The word resentment is particularly significant if you carry this emotion around with you, as all of us do at, least from time to time.  Somehow, in certain situations, you feel you have been wronged by someone you trust, by your child, by your parent, or partner.  I’d like to address this idea now.  Consider this.  If you are resentful of anything in your life, it is because you are doing something to gain someone else’s love.  You have given up “yourself” and are being codependent.  It’s time to get off of this downward spiral.

Here’s a good tool to use to help you diffuse resentments.  Make four columns on a page and in the first column write “Resentments”.  The second column needs to be titled, “Why?”  The third, “Reflecting” and the fourth, “Action of Love”.

You can probably see where this is going now.

In the left column under resentments you would make a list of everyone or everything you resent.  Be as honest as possible, even if it does involve your kids, your mother, your spouse.  Write it down.

Look at your first resentment and ask, Why?.   Really concentrate and dig deep within yourself to see why you’re resentful.  You might write something as simple as your first resentment is always having to clean up at dinnertime after you’ve prepared the meal for your family.  Then you write the reason you resent it so much and you might right down something like this – because you feel taken for granted, and no one appreciates you.  Dig deeper and find the reason might be because you have so little time for yourself.  Keep writing all the reasons for your resentments in the Why column.

In the third column, you’ll find Reflections.  Keep in mind that every difficult situation is a mirror to the struggle going on inside you.  The emotional turmoil you are going through could even be something you learned as a child, something you went through with your parents, and therefore a memory which has stuck with you all this time and which keeps recycling.

Finally, in the fourth column, Action of Love, ask yourself what would be the loving action to take to release your resentment?  At this point, perhaps you could see the little kid inside of you and ask her what she needs.  Ask her what is the loving action you need in order to take back your power.  Give yourself permission (as in the example above) to make a change about doing the dishes only when you want to.  This is an act of love to yourself, and there are always choices to be made.  These are just suggestions, of course.  This is a very helpful technique if you want to get at the root of this emotion which can really wear you out if you let it fester.

Once you have made your complete list, take action.  This is the way to heal yourself and the resentments you feel in your many different relationships.


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