The Dalai Lama said, “When I look at the parenting experience, I often wonder if I would have the patience.” Kind of ironic coming from this great man, but never a truer word was spoken.
Slow down and accept that although you may be very angry and upset with your child, you need to start going in another direction. We seem to repeat patterns in dealing with kids – same arguments about often silly things, same reactions. However, we can choose the way we react. First, we have to become aware of what we’re doing or saying. There are some essential tools that may help you slow down. The knowledge that we adopt our parents and their parents’ ways of parenting can be an eye-opener. No matter how spiritual we think we are, and you’d probably agree the Dalai Lama is up there as far as a spiritual icon, we can get off center easily. We can get our buttons pushed by our kids. Even this exalted man realizes it!
How do we begin to see our reactive patterns? We create a witness. There’s you yelling and then there’s the deeper more aware part of you saying, “Oh Brother.” In this way, we can check out our knee jerk reactions.
And, in these moments, as suggested by parenting expert, Susan Steffelman, pat your heart a few times and say, “there there”. You’re now starting from a place of kindness toward yourself. You have to be compassionate with yourself and know you need to do it differently than those folks in your genetic line. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. I’m sure the Dalai Lama would agree.